Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
