I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
