That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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