Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
