New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize