I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
