She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
