I hate all girls vehemently.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize