HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
