You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
