Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
