Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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