i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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