I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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