Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
