i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
