Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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