I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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