I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
