so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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