I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize