i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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