dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
