Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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