piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
