Your tits are I can't wait for
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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