Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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