ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
