spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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