If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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