In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Couch. On fire.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
