I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
