Kiss
Puke
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize