Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If I die, sorry about rent.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
