White coat. Heels.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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