That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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