i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
