His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
