Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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