Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
