Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
