Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
