Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
