Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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