I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
