Dual....:-)
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
