i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
