yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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