Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
