You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
