I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
