Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
