One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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