Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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