Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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