First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
