better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
