2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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