Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
