she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
