to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
