You're completely useless in the revolution.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
