nut hugger
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
