We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize