Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
