I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
