i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
