you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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