Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
