oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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