I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
