Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
