Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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