She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
