I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
