after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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